On waiting

Waiting is quite a difficult place to be. It's a place of questioning, heartache, and also a space for hope, and the opportunity to persevere through hardship. I'm in a waiting season, and honestly, it's not ideal. I'm the type of person who likes to know what's going to happen, and when. I have a planner which I adore because it's written out and easy for me to see what's in sight. The problem with waiting is, it's so unknown. Currently my days have been filled with working, trying to be present, and working out and planning for the future. <3

I've been learning a lot what it's like to list all of the positive things when being used to simply listing and talking about the negatives. It's actually a lot of work to change your entire thinking process, when you're used to thinking a specific way. I'm choosing my thoughts and learning to be content with the present. I'm actually becoming more mindful, slowly but surely. For instance, right now it's mid-February, I'm sitting in my favorite trendy coffee shop drinking a hot oat matcha latte, journaling, and reading. The sun is shining through the window onto the wooden floors and there are all sorts of people here, chatting, some students studying, and people laughing together, it's a very lovely Sunday.

I'm so grateful honestly for this season of my life, even though it's unknown. I enjoy being single, and being able to travel wherever, whenever, and I appreciate this in-between season of waiting to see where I'll end up here. I mean, the possibilities are endless, and the thing with faith is that it's unseen. How can I hope in something that I can't see? Because it's faith that makes it possible. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

I'm trying to cling to this chapter when my faith gets small, tired, and frustrating. I am clinging to it when I'm sad, miss my close friends, and the comfort of a city in which I've lived for in a long time. I know that I'm choosing God, no matter what it looks like in this season- I'm choosing joy when I have my daily quiet times, and pray, even when it feels like no one is listening to the prayers. I know He listens and He also leads and opens doors where He sees fit. I chose to walk through this door, now it's the patience and constant walking that will get me to where He wants me.

Some quotes that I've found in the last couple months that have impacted me are:

• "Surrender is another word for Biblical faith."

• "Faith is trust-trusting God to do with us and through us what we could never do in our own power."

• "Surrender-recognition of our total dependence on God, involving a deep trust that relinquishes control to Him."

I'm also reading a book called Called to Create which is super interesting and impactful to me right now. Until I find where I'm going, I will continue to walk, no matter how slow it may seem at the time.